The End of Etiquette: What I Saw at Panera Bread and Starbucks
Reflections on where personal convenience ends and public disrespect begins
We’re used to thinking that freedom is the right to be ourselves. But what if that freedom ends where dirty soles on your seat begin, or where someone else’s intimate habits begin? Watching people in coffee shops, I increasingly wonder: have we become freer, or have we simply lost our sense of culture?
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| Photo by The Paris Photographer on Unsplash |
I love people-watching. Sometimes I come across neat, tastefully dressed men and women who are irresistible to look at and who exude a subtle, pleasant aroma. But, unfortunately, these are rare exceptions. Lately, people’s behavior in public places has increasingly left me disappointed, indignant, and sometimes physically disgusted.
Another visit to the popular Panera Bread cafe completely ruined my mood. Some might say, “What’s so special about that?” But the only difference is that I know the rules of etiquette, and these people don’t.
Zoomer on a bench: comfort at the cost of cleanliness
I was sitting and eating my salad when a couple of young people sat down not far from me. They had a lot of food and were eating very quickly, as if in a hurry. But five minutes later, when they were finished, the girl in the dirty shoes placed her feet on the bench she had been sitting on. The bench was covered in fabric. That means you can’t throw it in the washing machine. It’s not leather, which can be wiped clean.
Having done so, she took out her phone. At that moment, she wasn’t simply scrolling through videos on her phone — she was blurring the line between her bedroom and a public place.
Fabric absorbs dirt that can’t simply be wiped away with a napkin. This isn’t freedom — it’s egocentrism, where one person’s comfort is paid for with another’s dirty clothes.
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| Photo by Gabriel Santos on Unsplash |
The woman who got the room mixed up
Then, as I continued eating my salad, mentally shooting lightning bolts at the uncultured girl, a woman of about 50 came over to place her empty lunch dishes on the counter with dirty dishes.
She glanced quickly left and right… but didn’t look back, where a multitude of people were sitting. And right there, in the center of the room, she began vigorously straightening out her stuck underwear. She didn’t even succeed the first time.
What prevented her from going to the restroom and doing it where no one would see? It’s a mystery.
Pajama dress code and the question of dignity
I don’t know what motivates people who drive to Starbucks for expensive coffee but wear pajamas. Some pajamas look like they haven’t been washed in five years, and they’ve been worn for a long time. They’re their favorite pajamas, the ones they never take off.
Yes, I love pajamas too; I have a favorite. But I never allow myself to look sloppy on the street. It’s respect for myself and for others. If these people have money for Starbucks coffee, then they have it for clean clothes. Is that logical? I doubt they dress the same way in the office.
Therein lies the paradox: we demand high-quality service, but we refuse to provide those around us with high-quality visual space.
Girls who don’t wear bras
I don’t know where the bra-freedom craze came from, but many girls call it “freedom.” For me, it’s like going back to the caves. People have come up with so many beautiful and comfortable underwear that don’t restrict movement, and you don’t even feel them. Why walk around like that and embarrass others? It’s beyond me.
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| Photo by Filip Mishevski on Unsplash |
People who were not taught good manners
Many children, and what’s shocking, adults too, frequently pick their noses. I often see it in cafes. And it’s disgusting. There was an instance when we were standing at Starbucks, waiting for our order, when a couple walked in with a baby in a stroller. The baby was already quite mature.
In full view of everyone, he pulled the “contents” out of his nose and simply smeared it all over the counter, next to the display case where the freshly baked goods are. His parents didn’t wipe it off or say anything. Of course, who would scold him if they don’t know proper etiquette?
It’s disgusting. It’s the 21st century. No one has ever heard of paper tissues.
Freedom or degradation?
Are these actions progressive freedom or a return to degradation?
This isn’t a question of “the right to choose,” but a question of respect for common space. These actions violate hygienic and aesthetic boundaries, which directly impact the comfort of others. This isn’t freedom; it’s a demonstrative disregard for the social contract.
I never finished my salad. I felt uncomfortable being in a place where people don’t know basic etiquette.
In a world where dirty shoes on a bench are becoming the norm, I prefer to surround myself with things made with respect for myself and others. I create things that are eye-pleasing and have value. Perhaps you’ll find something useful or something beautiful in my shop. 🦝
Where do you draw the line between personal comfort and public decorum? Should establishments impose rules of conduct, or are we obligated to tolerate any self-expression?
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