Does Friendship Have an Expiration Date? Why Is My Phone Book Empty?
From Avril Lavigne Lookalike to the “Boring” Coworker: A Candid Story of Losing Friends and Finding Myself
In my youth, I was a star. I looked so much like Avril Lavigne that people gravitated toward me just to be near me. My home was open to everyone: parties, Christmas, endless guests. I sincerely believed I had hundreds of friends.
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| Photo by Considerate Agency on Unsplash |
Today, I opened my phone contacts and realized I had no one to call. One remark from an old friend in Miami and a few hurtful words from colleagues shattered my illusion.
Where do people disappear to once we’re no longer united by a school desk or an office water cooler? And does friendship really exist, or is it just a temporary alliance of common interests?
The Avril Lavigne Era
From elementary school onward, I was popular; my classmates gravitated toward me. I did well in school, they bought me nice clothes and stationery, and people could come over to my house. Compared to my classmates from simple working-class families, I seemed “rich.” And children, as we know, are drawn to brighter, more interesting, and better-fed places.
In high school, something unexpected happened: I began to look incredibly like Avril Lavigne. This took my popularity to a new level. I met people from other schools, and the number of “friends” grew exponentially.
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| GIF from Tenor: Avril Lavigne |
The resemblance to Avril was striking. People took pictures with me, I had a lot of followers. Everyone knew me, even though I didn’t know half of them personally. I loved the attention and basked in the illusion of universal love. If I’d started a YouTube channel back then, I’d probably have become a star there — people adore twins and doppelgangers.
The Cold Shower of Adulthood
Then I started working, but somehow, friendships with my colleagues weren’t working out. I tried to build normal relationships, but the office environment proved toxic: rivalry, backstabbing, and intrigue.
At one of my jobs, I became close with my colleagues, but as soon as I quit, they immediately cut me out. Meanwhile, I saw on social media that they were still dating other former employees. Perhaps it was the age difference, but one day they told me point-blank:
“You don’t have any bad habits; you don’t drink or smoke. Who would be interested in you?”
It was offensive. It turns out that the entrance ticket to “friendship” is shared smoke breaks and gossip. And if you’re just working, you’re a stranger. But I decided I’d rather be true to myself than breathe in cigarette smoke for 10 minutes of fake communication.
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| GIF from Tenor: The Office |
The Miami Incident
So, the other day, I visited Miami, where a classmate of mine lives. He’s become successful and earns, so to speak, above average. I’ve written to him several times over the past year. He never took the initiative, but he routinely replied, “Write or call anytime.”
So, here I am in Miami. I write to him, ask to meet, and clarify where I’m staying. I add that I don’t have a car. A taxi was enough for this trip. To which this “millionaire” replies that he also sold his car. And that’s it. The conversation ended.
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| GIF from Tenor: The Wolf of Wall Street |
He didn’t even offer to meet on neutral territory. It’s offensive to admit, but I think I just didn’t fit into his worldview. For a man who rents yachts to rich people, a friend without a car is “not quite up to par.”
Fate played a cruel joke. At school, people were friends with me because I was “richer.” Now they rejected me because I turned out to be “poorer.” What they taught me (that friends don’t equal money), they apparently didn’t teach him.
Cleaning up my friends list
So this gave me the idea to clean out my contacts on social media and my phone. There were people I hadn’t spoken to for 5, 10, or 20 years.
It turns out friendship is temporary, as long as you have something in common with people, be it work, school, raising children, or courses. As soon as you reach a different level of life, communication stops.
I realized: friendship isn’t about the number of people at a party. It’s about those two colleagues who stayed with me through thick and thin. And of course, my cat — my best friend!
When the outside world disappoints, I find creativity support. Creating something unusual and useful helps me survive moments of loneliness and transform them into something beautiful. Perhaps my work will remind you that you’re not alone and give you a little warmth? Drop by; I’d love to make new, genuine friends. 🦝
Do you have friends you’ve kept in touch with for over 10 years, despite differences in income and interests? Or have you also noticed that with each job change, your social circle shrinks? Share your story.
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